Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
