I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
