I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
