Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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