So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
