***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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