btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize