apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
