you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
