I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
