Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
