Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
