babies were throwing up all over the place
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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