Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
