just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
