He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
