Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
