This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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