I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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