In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
