I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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