He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
