He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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