You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize