I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Come on in and take your pants off
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