She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize