I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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