Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
