So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
