3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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