The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
