Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
