You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
