dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
