i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wanna go halves on a baby?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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