and she was petting her beer can
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
