I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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