my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Enjoy the penises
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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