We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
