Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
