Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
