you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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