no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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