hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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