Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My cat gives me a boner
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
