your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
