I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
