My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
