I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
