my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
