i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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