I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are a genius and a whore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize