Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
