Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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