Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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