On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize