i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
