Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
