my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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