There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
