all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
