drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
