I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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