He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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