In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
