Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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