Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
