I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
