did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
